


Evil!Sven

by IT_GIRL_RH



Category: Radiohead (Band)
Genre: Drug Use, Friendship, M/M, lolz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-08
Updated: 2010-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 12:55:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10571751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IT_GIRL_RH/pseuds/IT_GIRL_RH
Summary: Jonny's got a new boyfriend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Updated: 31 May 2010
> 
> It will be some time before I can finish this. If you just can't wait, check the Spoliers for my notes on the ending. :)

  


 

  
Summary: Jonny's got a new boyfriend.  
Rating: Adult  
Categories: Radiohead slash   
Characters: Colin, Ed, Jonny, Other, Phil  
Genres: Friendship, LOLZ  
Pairings: Coed  
Warnings: Drug Use  
Updated: 31 May 2010  


**Completed:**  No 

  
****Disclaimer:** ** This is fiction. I do not own nor pretend to know anything about Radiohead. This is just a bit of fun and I, in no way, intend any harm to anyone, especially to Radiohead.  


Story Notes:

It will be some time before I can finish this. If you just can't wait, check the Spoliers for my notes on the ending. :)

 

Chapter 1

They’ve shown up like good boys for Colin’s Sunday Supper And Historical Trivia Extravaganza! Bonanza. It’s been his new hobby since they’ve done with touring for a bit and haven’t made plans to get back into the studio just yet. He’s been as bored and antsy as the rest of them. In order to relieve his restlessness he’s chosen to indulge in this rather odd pastime and to force his friends and loved ones to endure it as well. It's cruel torture in Ed’s opinion but it’s also so very Colin that Ed has to love it in spite of his distaste for historical extravaganzas of any kind. Colin chooses an event in history and plans a meal and diversions and activities around it. This week, it is the Battle of Zama. Phil is excited at the possibilities but Ed has endured every one of these culinary adventures and he’s not nearly as enthusiastic. Nonetheless, he did as he was told and went and collected Phil and brought wine. Ed always brings booze. He tells Colin it is because he doesn’t cook, but the truth is that he learned early on that booze is a necessity for these events. He had to endure the first one of these sober, and it was the siege of Stalingrad or something. Really could have done with some vodka on that one. Now he brings whatever topical booze Colin tells him to get, in at least twice the quantity that Colin requests. This time, Colin asked for two bottles of Italian wines a white and a red. Ed has brought a half case for 4 people. He’s never heard of the Battle of Zama and that really doesn’t bode well for its level of excitement. Phil has brought cookies in the shapes of elephants and gingerbread men with little frosting togas and SPQR painted on an arm. Cute. They smell fantastic and Ed wants to eat one right now.

 

Phil and Ed are both looking forward to seeing Jonny. They haven’t seen him since they got back to Oxford, not even Ed who is at Colin’s almost more than he is at his own place. Thom, the clever bastard, flat-out declined Colin’s invitation. Ed wishes on a regular basis that he had Thom’s balls. Thom is probably at home right now sprawled out in his grungiest boxers in front of his big screen telly playing Grand Theft Auto and belching whenever he feels like it. The lucky, lucky bastard. But Thom isn’t going to get laid Roman-style (whatever that means, Colin said it was a surprise) later tonight by a very talented and enthusiastic bass player either. Ed supposes there are upsides to most situations. Even historical extravaganzas.

Colin meets them at the door, his eyes wider than usual. Ed doesn’t think that bodes well and immediately launches into an inquisition. “All right, Coz, what’s wrong? Has the soufflé fallen or have the battle re-enactors cancelled at the last moment?”

“There was going to be a battle re-enactment? Aww. I would have liked to have seen that.” Phil laments. Ed makes a mental note to always get Phil high before one of these things. Phil is great high.

“Jonny’s brought a date.” Colin says with rather more panic in his voice than a statement like that should warrant.

 Phil and Ed eye each other.

 “Well. That’s okay isn’t it?” Phil asks.

 “Shouldn’t be a problem, Coz, I’ve got enough wine and you always make too much food. It’ll be fine.”

“I brought topical biscuits.” Phil chirps in.

“Um… yes, of course, it’s ok. But well, it’s not the refreshments…” Colin pauses and Ed recognizes his ‘how do I put this’ face and knows there’s something Colin isn’t saying. “Jonny says he’s very keen on this bloke and well… just you two behave yourselves. Okay? Remember that. We don’t want to scare him off.”

Phil and Ed look at each other again and shrug. “Okay. We’ll do what we can about not being so scary.” Ed snorts.

“I’m not scary. I’m a bloody ray of sunshine. Ed though. He’s a looming beast. Can’t you do something about not being so frecking tall, there, O’Brien? Scrunch down a bit and do try not to glower quite so much. You'll scare the children.” Phil chides with a grin.

“Me?” Ed mock-chafes against the mock-implications. "You’re the scary one, Selway. Nothing is scarier for a man than to see the doom and shiny gloom of his follicles' future played out in technicolour on your stubbly skull…”

Phil punches Ed in the arm and nearly drops his cookies. “Hey! I shaved this morning. I’ll have you know my pate is as smooth as a baby’s bottom.”  
Ed laughs and snorts loudly. Ed and Phil break into giggles. Colin frowns at them and huffs out a disgruntled grunt.

Phil frowns at Ed. He reaches over and pats Colin’s shoulder. “We’ll behave. Don’t worry. I’m sure he’s a delightful young man. Now where would you like these biscuits?”

“Ooo! You baked! Oh you really shouldn’t have. Why! Are those Hannibal’s elephants? Phil! You're simply brilliant!” Colin enthuses as they walk off down the hall to the kitchen.

   
 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

“Oh. The baking was all Ed’s idea, I assure you.“ Phil replies with a knowing glance towards Ed.

Colin gives Ed a look and rolls his eyes. He’s perfectly aware that he’s fallen madly in love with a raging pothead. It’s a cross he’s willing to bear. Besides, Phil is great when he’s stoned so Colin has no complaints. Furthermore, stoned guests are hungry guests and he has made enough food to  feed, well... Hannibal’s army. “Yes. Well. I was referring to your lovely confections rather than my boyfriends predilections, Phil.”

Ed chuckles and unconsciously shifts his box of wine. The bottles clink together and Ed Looks down at them in a panic. He immediately rights his crooked arm and straightens out the box. He has to be careful. If he breaks a bottle he may not be able to get drunk enough to enjoy Colin’s potential lecture on the Battle of Zama later tonight.

That reminds him that he must also remember to remind everyone else to pretend they already know all about the Battle of Zama lest Colin feel the need to educate them on it’s historical significance. He’ll need to get in there and tip off Jonny and his date right away. Hopefully Colin was too panicked about this bloke Jonny showed up with to be bothered with his customary habit of testing his guests knowledge on the evening’s topic as soon as they walk in the door.

Plus, considering Colin’s state of barely muted panic when he met them at the door, Ed is rather dying to see this guy now. Who could possibly ruffle Colin’s feathers when he’s hosting a social event? He lives for this kind of thing. Once the guests have arrived, he’s usually a picture of congenial calm and never lets anything poke through his veneer of convivial charm. He’s the perfect host. Maybe Jonny’s shown up with one of those horrible journalists who take side bets on which pop star will die next or maybe he’s got their old headmaster on a spike-studded leash in there. The possibilities are certainly intriguing.  
   
Colin claps an arm around Phil’s shoulder. “So... Phil. Judging by your very clever biscuits, I take it you’ve read up on the Battle of Zama, then?”

“Who needs to read up on the Battle of Zama, Colin? It was an important turning point in history.” Phil replies, stealing a glance towards Ed.

Ed nods back with solemn approval and as he follows them toward the kitchen, carefully carrying his precious case of wine.

He hears Jonny laugh as they pass the hall door that leads to the library. Ed decides he’ll just slip in to say hello and see if Jonny and his guest might have a wine preference. That’s simply good manners after all. Colin couldn’t possible object to that.

Ed steals a glance towards Colin and Phil. They are locked in conversation about the fall of the Roman Empire. Well, Colin is. Ed thinks Phil is probably rather thinking about cheese doodles while he nods and grins at Colin, but they are both preoccupied nonetheless. They won’t miss him for a quick minute. He turns and strides down the hall towards the library. A strange and yet vaguely familiar guffaw chimes in with and drowns out Jonny’s giggles.  
 

  



End file.
